He he!
HOLLY: This is mutiny, Mr. Queeg! I'll see you swing from the highest yard-arm in Titan Docking Port for this day's work!
LISTER: Just think how Holly feels!?
RIMMER: Feels? He never feels anything, Lister. He's a computer.
LISTER: He still feels. In fact, sometimes i think it's cruel giving
machines a personality. My mate Petersen once brought a pair of shoes
with artificial intelligence. Smart Shoes, they were called. It was a
neat idea. No matter how blind drunk you were, they would always get
you home. Then he got ratted one night in Oslo, and woke up the next
morning in Burma. See, the shoes got bored just going from his local
to the flat. They wanted to see the world, man, y'know? He had a helluva job getting rid of them. No matter who he sold them to, they'd show up again the next day! He tried to shut them out, but they just
kicked the door down, y'know?
RIMMER: Is this true?
LISTER: Yeah! Last thing he heard, they'd sort of, erm, robbed a car and drove it into a canal. They couldn't steer, y'see.
RIMMER: Really?!
LISTER: Yeah. Petersen was really, really blown away by it. He went to see a preist. The preist told him, he said, it was alright, and all that, and the shoes were happy, and they'd gone to heaven. Y'see, it turns out shoes have soles.
RIMMER: Well, what a sad, sad story.
RIMMER: Wait a minute! How did they open the car door?
LISTER: "I write to--" I can't read that. Oh, "I write to inform." "I
write to inform you that your father is dad." Well of course he is.
Maybe it's your father stroke dad.
RIMMER: It's dead.
LISTER: I can't make it out. (Holds letter up and examines it.)
RIMMER: My father is dead.
LISTER: What?
RIMMER: My father is dead.
LISTER: Oh yeah it's an E! That's what it is!
Your father's dead, Rimmer! Oh, eh -- I'm
sorry.
RIMMER: Is that all she says?
LISTER: Just that, "He passed away peacefully in his Jeep ...sleep."
LISTER: I remember when my dad died you know. I was only six. I got
loads of presents off everyone like it was Christmas. I remember
wishing a couple more people would die so I could complete my Lego set.
My grandma tried to explain, you know. She said he'd gone away and he
wasn't coming back. So, I wanted to know where, like, you know. She
said he was very happy and he'd gone to the same place as my goldfish.
So I thought they'd flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just
round the U bend, you know. I used to stuff food down, you know, and
magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child
psychologist in the end because they found me with my head down the
bowl reading him the football results.
KRYTEN
They always say the hardest part about leaving Cyberspace is realising the
whole universe does not revolve around you.
CAT
Sure doesn't! It revolves around me.
KOCHANSKI
Absolutely.
CAT
I'm serious! Look at the evidence.
LISTER
What evidence?
CAT
Take food. Until I bite into it, it has no taste.
Even when I know what I'm gonna say, it never bores me!
LISTER
You and you alone...
CAT
And here's the clincher: all of the interesting things that ever happenned
to me, happenned when I was in the room! Coincidence? Get outta here..!
;D
;D
;D
;D
;D
;D
;D
;D
;D
;D