Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 12, 2004 18:13:25 GMT -5
(C) red dwarf addict script
series 9
episode 1:
the beginning
(picture shows Ace Rimmer riding on a bike away from an bomb exploding. things are looking doubtful for him as one explodes by his side)
ACE: i suppose now i'll find out if i really have got guts!
*ace brakes and looks over his shoulder*
(picture shows a tank and a drunk officer waving a beer bottle out the top, with aces spacecraft behind it on a field)
DRUNK OFFICER: yeoowl never git away ace wimmer!
*the drunk officer waves his beer bottle and drops it*
ACE: not if i can help it!
*ace accelarates and does a 180 spin*
ACE: get ready to rumble!
*ace accelarates full speed and heads towards to tank*
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
*drunk officer suddenly falls asleep and slumps onto the floor of the tank*
ACE:here goes!
*ace hits the back brake and he does a wheelie*
ACE: say good bye!
*ace speeds up the slant on the tank and he's flying in the air*
ACE: smoke me a clipper! *Thinks* i did it wrong again!
(while in the air his bike slips beneath him and falls on the ground)
ACE: smeg!
*ace falls down and on the ground with a thump then gets up, leaving a dent in the ground*
ACE: i gotta lose a few pounds!
*he gets into his spacecraft and presses the button marked 'DIMENSION JUMP'*
(picture goes to lister walking up and down sleeping quarters looking at the floor)
(camera zooms out and you see kryten and cat sitting on rimmers old bed)
LISTER:so we're in a mirror universe, where everything is opposite?
KRYTEN: yes sir, i didn't think you'd want it this many times.
CAT: wheres goalpost head then?
KRYTEN: according to my calculations, he must have realised we weren't here, so he tried to find a way to get back. by using some probability, i'd say he must have failed that target, and should still be in this alternate universe.
*lister stops walking and looks up*
LISTER: maybe he didn't fail it, and found a way to get back through the mirror.
KRYTEN: come on sir, lets not joke in this matter.
LISTER:i'm not joking. maybe he has.
KRYTEN: sir, despair must be driving you crazy.
CAT: what's there to be sad about? alphebet head's gone, lets party!
KRYTEN: there's only one way to find out sir, we have to try and find a way back ourselves, and ask on the way if anyones seen him.
LISTER: yeah, that sounds good.
CAT: why do we have to get him anyway?
LISTER: lets just go!
(picture of ace's craft flying towards a half destroyed red dwarf)
ACE: hang on, what dimension am i in?
*ace looks at a number on his dashboard* (078)
ACE: smeg, this is listers dimension! whats happened to red dwarf?
*ace accelarates towards red dwarf and disapears into a hole*
(picture sees lister and kryten walking down a corridor with cat following behind looking over their shoulders eagerly listening to the conversation)
LISTER: are you sure this is where he would have went kryten?
KRYTEN: im sure of it sir.
(picture turns to a doorway with the sign 'toilets')
LISTER: come on krytie think seriously. where would you have gone?
KRYTEN: well, i would go to the lab.
(lister, kryten and cat emerge out of a place marked 'science lab' with kryten holding 2 pieces of paper)
LISTER: so this ones *lister hold up one piece of paper* what gets us out, and this *lister holds up another* what gets starbug back. and THIS *and another piece of paper* is what slows down the creature?
KRYTEN: no sir. THIS *hold up the second piece of paper lister held up* is...
LISTER: OKAY, we get the point!
CAT:well greasestain, we better hurry up if we wanna get back.
(lister looks shock and they run to the mirror)
(scene turns to a corridor where a figure flowing robes and a scythe is looking at rimmer)
DEATH: Arnold Judas Rimmer. Your life is over. Come with me.
*death helps rimmer to his feet*
DEATH: We will travel to the River Styx, where you will place a coin in the -
RIMMER: Not today, matey!
*rimmer knees death solidly in the groin. death drops his scythe and falls to his knees like the proverbial sack of potatoes*
RIMMER: Remember: "only the good die young".
*rimmer turns on his heel and runs away*
DEATH: That's never happened before...
DEATH collapses onto the deck.
(picture goes to various shots of rimmer as he runs from death)
*rimmer looks over his shoulder*
(but rimmer suddenly runs into a pole and staggers backwards, realising the stupid thing he just did)
*rimmer falls flat on his back*
(picture sees lister, cat and kryten running down hallway)
LISTER: how long will that hold him?
KRYTEN:around 2 days sir, which gives us enough time to reconstruct starbug, get rimmer and finish that game of scrabble we started.
(lister and co disappear around corner)
(picture turns to Ace as he lands his ship anything but smoothly into a landing bay)
*ace gets out and shakes his head*
ACE: i've got to learn these controls...
(ace suddenly remembers why he's here and disappears round the corner and finds a unconcious rimmer on the floor)
ACE: okay, now i'm just confused.
*Lister and others appear from round the corner*
KRYTEN: ace sir!
CAT: hey buddy!
*lister also looks up but does not say anything*
(after a pause) ACE: errrr, we gotta little problem on the floor!
(everyone for the first time sees the unconcious rimmer on the floor)
(picture turns to a person view, with a hazy view of 1 person looking down on the camera, supposedly the view of the no longer unconcious rimmer)
LISTER (though rimmer doesn't know that yet): yes! he's here!
*3 more blurs appear, and rimmer blinks.*
(camera no longer from rimmer's point of view. it's casting a view seeing ace, lister, cat and kryten leaning over a confused rimmer)
*rimmer blinks again*
RIMMER: huh? what? lister? cat? kryten? who?... (carries on muttering, though not making much sense)
LISTER: hey rimmer! we got worried there.
RIMMER: whos that? (a bit clearer)
CAT:who's who?
RIMMER: him
ACE: who?
LISTER: me? are you sure?
KRYTEN: he could be lying
ACE:why?
CAT:why not?
RIMMER: him
CAT: me? well i'm the man whos got the best...
ACE: don't you start!
KRYTEN: him?
RIMMER:no him!
CAT: him?
RIMMER: yes him!
LISTER: he's you!
RIMMER:what?
KRYTEN: he's you!
CAT:what the hell am i talking about?
ACE: SHUTUP! now i've got the dancefloor let me explain: (ace starts explaining)
"around 4 years ago, a man visited the dimension of 5 people about to go fishing on a planet they know there's no fish. a vain cat, a seniel computer, a deranged mechanoid, a slobby human and a cowardly hologram..."(Ace goes onto explain what happened when they met superhero, and how the hologram became a hardlight hologram and and so on and so on and so on)
(when he reaches the part about the hologram trying to become the superhero, he steps back and lets lister finish the story)
LISTER: so, what the cowardly hologram didn't know was, the slobby human dressed up as the knight to make him think he did something heroic when he thought he killed the knight. the slob knew it was for the holograms own good. the hologram raced to the superhero, but then the superhero want. then the mechonoid and the vain cat came in, seeing the hologram in ace's clothes. they mistake the hologram for the superhero, but the slob comes in and says the light bee is the cowardly holograms, keeping a secret from the other 2. the hologram left as ace rimmer, and the slob vowed to keep his secret.
(cat and kryten also listen in awe)
KRYTEN: but sir! that means...
ACE: yes kryten, i'm the cowardly hologram rimmer.
CAT:now that's a fairytale you don't won't to hear.
RIMMER: but, i thought a fairytale had a happy ending ? ! ? !
text comes up
THE MIDDLE
by Laura Derek (RDA, red dwarf addict)
(C) red dwarf addict script
lol!
episode 2 will come, to tidy everything up!
tell me what you think!
series 9
episode 1:
the beginning
(picture shows Ace Rimmer riding on a bike away from an bomb exploding. things are looking doubtful for him as one explodes by his side)
ACE: i suppose now i'll find out if i really have got guts!
*ace brakes and looks over his shoulder*
(picture shows a tank and a drunk officer waving a beer bottle out the top, with aces spacecraft behind it on a field)
DRUNK OFFICER: yeoowl never git away ace wimmer!
*the drunk officer waves his beer bottle and drops it*
ACE: not if i can help it!
*ace accelarates and does a 180 spin*
ACE: get ready to rumble!
*ace accelarates full speed and heads towards to tank*
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
*drunk officer suddenly falls asleep and slumps onto the floor of the tank*
ACE:here goes!
*ace hits the back brake and he does a wheelie*
ACE: say good bye!
*ace speeds up the slant on the tank and he's flying in the air*
ACE: smoke me a clipper! *Thinks* i did it wrong again!
(while in the air his bike slips beneath him and falls on the ground)
ACE: smeg!
*ace falls down and on the ground with a thump then gets up, leaving a dent in the ground*
ACE: i gotta lose a few pounds!
*he gets into his spacecraft and presses the button marked 'DIMENSION JUMP'*
(picture goes to lister walking up and down sleeping quarters looking at the floor)
(camera zooms out and you see kryten and cat sitting on rimmers old bed)
LISTER:so we're in a mirror universe, where everything is opposite?
KRYTEN: yes sir, i didn't think you'd want it this many times.
CAT: wheres goalpost head then?
KRYTEN: according to my calculations, he must have realised we weren't here, so he tried to find a way to get back. by using some probability, i'd say he must have failed that target, and should still be in this alternate universe.
*lister stops walking and looks up*
LISTER: maybe he didn't fail it, and found a way to get back through the mirror.
KRYTEN: come on sir, lets not joke in this matter.
LISTER:i'm not joking. maybe he has.
KRYTEN: sir, despair must be driving you crazy.
CAT: what's there to be sad about? alphebet head's gone, lets party!
KRYTEN: there's only one way to find out sir, we have to try and find a way back ourselves, and ask on the way if anyones seen him.
LISTER: yeah, that sounds good.
CAT: why do we have to get him anyway?
LISTER: lets just go!
(picture of ace's craft flying towards a half destroyed red dwarf)
ACE: hang on, what dimension am i in?
*ace looks at a number on his dashboard* (078)
ACE: smeg, this is listers dimension! whats happened to red dwarf?
*ace accelarates towards red dwarf and disapears into a hole*
(picture sees lister and kryten walking down a corridor with cat following behind looking over their shoulders eagerly listening to the conversation)
LISTER: are you sure this is where he would have went kryten?
KRYTEN: im sure of it sir.
(picture turns to a doorway with the sign 'toilets')
LISTER: come on krytie think seriously. where would you have gone?
KRYTEN: well, i would go to the lab.
(lister, kryten and cat emerge out of a place marked 'science lab' with kryten holding 2 pieces of paper)
LISTER: so this ones *lister hold up one piece of paper* what gets us out, and this *lister holds up another* what gets starbug back. and THIS *and another piece of paper* is what slows down the creature?
KRYTEN: no sir. THIS *hold up the second piece of paper lister held up* is...
LISTER: OKAY, we get the point!
CAT:well greasestain, we better hurry up if we wanna get back.
(lister looks shock and they run to the mirror)
(scene turns to a corridor where a figure flowing robes and a scythe is looking at rimmer)
DEATH: Arnold Judas Rimmer. Your life is over. Come with me.
*death helps rimmer to his feet*
DEATH: We will travel to the River Styx, where you will place a coin in the -
RIMMER: Not today, matey!
*rimmer knees death solidly in the groin. death drops his scythe and falls to his knees like the proverbial sack of potatoes*
RIMMER: Remember: "only the good die young".
*rimmer turns on his heel and runs away*
DEATH: That's never happened before...
DEATH collapses onto the deck.
(picture goes to various shots of rimmer as he runs from death)
*rimmer looks over his shoulder*
(but rimmer suddenly runs into a pole and staggers backwards, realising the stupid thing he just did)
*rimmer falls flat on his back*
(picture sees lister, cat and kryten running down hallway)
LISTER: how long will that hold him?
KRYTEN:around 2 days sir, which gives us enough time to reconstruct starbug, get rimmer and finish that game of scrabble we started.
(lister and co disappear around corner)
(picture turns to Ace as he lands his ship anything but smoothly into a landing bay)
*ace gets out and shakes his head*
ACE: i've got to learn these controls...
(ace suddenly remembers why he's here and disappears round the corner and finds a unconcious rimmer on the floor)
ACE: okay, now i'm just confused.
*Lister and others appear from round the corner*
KRYTEN: ace sir!
CAT: hey buddy!
*lister also looks up but does not say anything*
(after a pause) ACE: errrr, we gotta little problem on the floor!
(everyone for the first time sees the unconcious rimmer on the floor)
(picture turns to a person view, with a hazy view of 1 person looking down on the camera, supposedly the view of the no longer unconcious rimmer)
LISTER (though rimmer doesn't know that yet): yes! he's here!
*3 more blurs appear, and rimmer blinks.*
(camera no longer from rimmer's point of view. it's casting a view seeing ace, lister, cat and kryten leaning over a confused rimmer)
*rimmer blinks again*
RIMMER: huh? what? lister? cat? kryten? who?... (carries on muttering, though not making much sense)
LISTER: hey rimmer! we got worried there.
RIMMER: whos that? (a bit clearer)
CAT:who's who?
RIMMER: him
ACE: who?
LISTER: me? are you sure?
KRYTEN: he could be lying
ACE:why?
CAT:why not?
RIMMER: him
CAT: me? well i'm the man whos got the best...
ACE: don't you start!
KRYTEN: him?
RIMMER:no him!
CAT: him?
RIMMER: yes him!
LISTER: he's you!
RIMMER:what?
KRYTEN: he's you!
CAT:what the hell am i talking about?
ACE: SHUTUP! now i've got the dancefloor let me explain: (ace starts explaining)
"around 4 years ago, a man visited the dimension of 5 people about to go fishing on a planet they know there's no fish. a vain cat, a seniel computer, a deranged mechanoid, a slobby human and a cowardly hologram..."(Ace goes onto explain what happened when they met superhero, and how the hologram became a hardlight hologram and and so on and so on and so on)
(when he reaches the part about the hologram trying to become the superhero, he steps back and lets lister finish the story)
LISTER: so, what the cowardly hologram didn't know was, the slobby human dressed up as the knight to make him think he did something heroic when he thought he killed the knight. the slob knew it was for the holograms own good. the hologram raced to the superhero, but then the superhero want. then the mechonoid and the vain cat came in, seeing the hologram in ace's clothes. they mistake the hologram for the superhero, but the slob comes in and says the light bee is the cowardly holograms, keeping a secret from the other 2. the hologram left as ace rimmer, and the slob vowed to keep his secret.
(cat and kryten also listen in awe)
KRYTEN: but sir! that means...
ACE: yes kryten, i'm the cowardly hologram rimmer.
CAT:now that's a fairytale you don't won't to hear.
RIMMER: but, i thought a fairytale had a happy ending ? ! ? !
text comes up
THE MIDDLE
by Laura Derek (RDA, red dwarf addict)
(C) red dwarf addict script
lol!
episode 2 will come, to tidy everything up!
tell me what you think!