Post by red dwarf addict on Sept 17, 2004 15:59:23 GMT -5
Okay so I'm doing about seven RD things at once here, but this one I promise is gonna be a hit....this is what I like to call Chapter 1, but that'll probably change....I'm exceptionally proud of this, so please let me know what you think!
As long as he can remember, Dave Lister has not known his parents. The truth was he was abandoned, as a baby, under a pool table in the Aigberth Arms. Not much to speak of really. No wonder he became what he was. He knows he could have become much more, but to be honest, he didn't give a smeg. Because right here, and right now, it was his turn to pick a game for games night. The one night he could get completely blasted and hopefully receive a bit of permanent brain damage.
"Okay, I pick...........cheat." He said finally.
Three guesses of what Rimmer’s going to say...
Lister gave a silent and quick groan.
"What's cheat?" Rimmer asked staring at him.
"Well it's a game which I'm sure you'll be good at Rimmer, because it involves a lot of cheating and...........lying." As Lister said the word ‘lying’, everyone instinctively turned and faced Kryten, who was nervously fidgeting with his groinal socket.
“But Listy…” Started Rimmer, turning back round. “You know Kryten. His ability to lie is about as convincing as you pretending your smart. Completely and totally unconvincing. Kryten’s leg jiggles when he’s lying. So does yours. Spas attack.”
Just you wait till he’s drunk...
Lister groaned again but a bit longer this time. Still silent. The voice had been on and off but only recently had it appeared. He'd tried to ignore it, but it was beginning to hurt.
“C’mon Rimmer give him a chance!” Persisted Lister. “Look, the rules are simple. You have to put down cards, which are next to each other in the number line. Say I put down an 8. You can put down either any of the sevens, any of the eights, or any of the nines. But if you don’t have any of those cards, you’re gunna have to cheat. So you can put down 3 twos, then say that you put down 3 eights. The other people say ‘Cheat!’ if they think the person is lying. If it turns out they are lying, the person who laid down the cards has to pick them up and add them to their deck. The aim of the game is too get rid of all your cards. Get it?”
“I was with you up till simple.” Said the cat looking confused.
“You’ll pick it up.” Concluded Lister and he dealt the cards.
2 hours and 20 beers later…
Kryten, guilt chip in overdrive, laid down his 2 nines and nervously said; “Two aces.” Then glanced nervously round the room as his leg jiggled furiously.
Without the others looking up, they said ‘Cheat.’ In unison.
“How did you know? You weren’t even looking sirs!” Asked Kryten.
“The table vibrated Kryten.” Answered Lister. After a short pause, he threw his cards down on the table then said “I’m gunna go for a walk.”
“Me coming toooooo.” Said Rimmer, and right on cue he fell off his chair.
After about 5 attempts Rimmer finally found the door, then it took him another 6 attempts to get through it. Because he was in his hardlight form, if he drank it would have an affect. Rimmer kept quiet while they walked, trying to sober up. He’d managed to regain control of his voice, and he’d also managed to get his brain back into gear. After another minute or two, he said:
“Lister, who…who…who were your parents?” a pause.
Since when was he interested in my parents?
Another moan escaped from Lister. It was quiet, but still hearable.
“…I told you before I dunno.” replied Lister.
“No note or anything?”
“No. Now will you please shut up?”
“Don’t you even have a clue?”
“No Rimmer!”
“Oh ok.”
This was actually a question Rimmer had been itching to ask ever since he found out Lister had been abandoned, now he hoped Lister thought he was still majorly drunk, so to cover up that he was interested.
‘Puk!’
Something flew out of nowhere and just missed Lister’s left ear.
“What the smeg was that?!” Lister said and he turned around.
There was a flash of light but he couldn’t make out what the person or thing was, so he turned quickly and legged it down the corridor at full speed. There was another pair behind him, and he took a quick look over his shoulder and saw Rimmer running faster than Lister had ever seen him run, then Rimmer streaked straight past him. Lister turned his head back round, and again, something whizzed past his ear and went straight through the metal barrier, then ended it’s short, but eventful journey, in the wall.
Then Lister looked over his shoulder.
He had enough time to the see it coming.
Move…
It was like it was in slow-mo.
Move!
Though he didn’t react.
MOVE.
He had seen something that had caught his eye.
MOVE!
The writing on it.
But before he knew it, the dart had gone straight into his back, and he came to a abrupt stop. He fell down on his knees, swaying slightly.
Fading, fading....
He clutched his head, wishing the voice would go away, but all the time, thinking of that word on the dart. He stared ahead looking at no one in particular, but Rimmer had stopped. He wanted to shout, scream. But all he managed to say was a jumble of letters. To Lister, they didn’t seem like a word. But maybe to someone else…
Pain, pain, pain…
He then, finally, blacked out.
As long as he can remember, Dave Lister has not known his parents. The truth was he was abandoned, as a baby, under a pool table in the Aigberth Arms. Not much to speak of really. No wonder he became what he was. He knows he could have become much more, but to be honest, he didn't give a smeg. Because right here, and right now, it was his turn to pick a game for games night. The one night he could get completely blasted and hopefully receive a bit of permanent brain damage.
"Okay, I pick...........cheat." He said finally.
Three guesses of what Rimmer’s going to say...
Lister gave a silent and quick groan.
"What's cheat?" Rimmer asked staring at him.
"Well it's a game which I'm sure you'll be good at Rimmer, because it involves a lot of cheating and...........lying." As Lister said the word ‘lying’, everyone instinctively turned and faced Kryten, who was nervously fidgeting with his groinal socket.
“But Listy…” Started Rimmer, turning back round. “You know Kryten. His ability to lie is about as convincing as you pretending your smart. Completely and totally unconvincing. Kryten’s leg jiggles when he’s lying. So does yours. Spas attack.”
Just you wait till he’s drunk...
Lister groaned again but a bit longer this time. Still silent. The voice had been on and off but only recently had it appeared. He'd tried to ignore it, but it was beginning to hurt.
“C’mon Rimmer give him a chance!” Persisted Lister. “Look, the rules are simple. You have to put down cards, which are next to each other in the number line. Say I put down an 8. You can put down either any of the sevens, any of the eights, or any of the nines. But if you don’t have any of those cards, you’re gunna have to cheat. So you can put down 3 twos, then say that you put down 3 eights. The other people say ‘Cheat!’ if they think the person is lying. If it turns out they are lying, the person who laid down the cards has to pick them up and add them to their deck. The aim of the game is too get rid of all your cards. Get it?”
“I was with you up till simple.” Said the cat looking confused.
“You’ll pick it up.” Concluded Lister and he dealt the cards.
2 hours and 20 beers later…
Kryten, guilt chip in overdrive, laid down his 2 nines and nervously said; “Two aces.” Then glanced nervously round the room as his leg jiggled furiously.
Without the others looking up, they said ‘Cheat.’ In unison.
“How did you know? You weren’t even looking sirs!” Asked Kryten.
“The table vibrated Kryten.” Answered Lister. After a short pause, he threw his cards down on the table then said “I’m gunna go for a walk.”
“Me coming toooooo.” Said Rimmer, and right on cue he fell off his chair.
After about 5 attempts Rimmer finally found the door, then it took him another 6 attempts to get through it. Because he was in his hardlight form, if he drank it would have an affect. Rimmer kept quiet while they walked, trying to sober up. He’d managed to regain control of his voice, and he’d also managed to get his brain back into gear. After another minute or two, he said:
“Lister, who…who…who were your parents?” a pause.
Since when was he interested in my parents?
Another moan escaped from Lister. It was quiet, but still hearable.
“…I told you before I dunno.” replied Lister.
“No note or anything?”
“No. Now will you please shut up?”
“Don’t you even have a clue?”
“No Rimmer!”
“Oh ok.”
This was actually a question Rimmer had been itching to ask ever since he found out Lister had been abandoned, now he hoped Lister thought he was still majorly drunk, so to cover up that he was interested.
‘Puk!’
Something flew out of nowhere and just missed Lister’s left ear.
“What the smeg was that?!” Lister said and he turned around.
There was a flash of light but he couldn’t make out what the person or thing was, so he turned quickly and legged it down the corridor at full speed. There was another pair behind him, and he took a quick look over his shoulder and saw Rimmer running faster than Lister had ever seen him run, then Rimmer streaked straight past him. Lister turned his head back round, and again, something whizzed past his ear and went straight through the metal barrier, then ended it’s short, but eventful journey, in the wall.
Then Lister looked over his shoulder.
He had enough time to the see it coming.
Move…
It was like it was in slow-mo.
Move!
Though he didn’t react.
MOVE.
He had seen something that had caught his eye.
MOVE!
The writing on it.
But before he knew it, the dart had gone straight into his back, and he came to a abrupt stop. He fell down on his knees, swaying slightly.
Fading, fading....
He clutched his head, wishing the voice would go away, but all the time, thinking of that word on the dart. He stared ahead looking at no one in particular, but Rimmer had stopped. He wanted to shout, scream. But all he managed to say was a jumble of letters. To Lister, they didn’t seem like a word. But maybe to someone else…
Pain, pain, pain…
He then, finally, blacked out.