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Post by red dwarf addict on Jul 16, 2004 14:37:57 GMT -5
put in this thread what you think are long lines
heres my one:
Marooned; series 3 - episode 2:
Rimmer's listing amount of food left on the ship:
'There's half a bag of soggy smoky bacon crisps, a tin of mustard, three water biscuits, a brown lemon, two bottles of vinegar and a tube of bonjela gum ointment.'
How doe chris barrie remember that?
what a guy!
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Post by Captain Emerald on Jul 16, 2004 16:05:09 GMT -5
Ooh, I know lots! I'll have to find them...
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Post by Xylona on Aug 26, 2004 23:38:39 GMT -5
Kryten's speech from Justice!
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Post by Captain Emerald on Aug 27, 2004 5:45:20 GMT -5
That was a classic!
Kryten - from Polymorph:
Oh, how can I forget it, sir? I compared your mother to a foolish, aged, blubbery fish! I said she was a simple-minded, scaly old piscine! I estimated she was an ugly, lungless marine animal with galloping senility! A putrid amphibious gillbreather with (cries) with less brains than a mollusc!
Rimmer:
Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? Erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters" or, my own personal preference, which is "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that -- the abbreviation is "CLITORIS."
Rimmer - from Meltdown:
Well, Sartre, we don't like existentialists around here, and we certainly don't like French philosophers poncing around in their black polo necks filling everyone's heads with their theories about the bleakness of existence and absurdity of the cosmos, clear?
Well, you're quite the worst bunch of famous historical wax droids I've ever had the misfortune to clap my eyes on! You're a total bloody shambles, and if we're going to win this war, someone is gonna have to turn you into soldiers, and that someone, ladies and gentlemen, is ME. Over to you, Kryten. (To Gandhi) I'm watching you, Gandhi.
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Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 27, 2004 10:43:26 GMT -5
KRYTEN: Well. There's the fact that you were despised by your parents for failing to achieve their standards; the fact that your three brothers were all such high flyers in the Space Corps and you ended up servicing chicken soup machines; there's your inability to form long term relationships with anyone; your cowardliness; your lack of charm, honour, or grace; and the awful knowledge that throughout your entire life no one has truly liked you because you are so fundamentally unlikeable.
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Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 27, 2004 10:52:47 GMT -5
KRYTEN: Well, the legend tells of a droid -- a self-repairing simulant, who survives till the end of eternity; to the end of time itself. After millions of years alone, he finally reaches the conclusion that there is no god, no afterlife, and the only purpose of existence is to lead a worthwhile life. And so the 'droid constructs a time machine, and roams eternity, visiting every single soul in history, and assessing each one. He erases all those who have wasted their lives and replaces them with those who never had a chance of life -- the unfertilized eggs, the sperms that never made it. THAT is the Inquisitor -- he prunes away the wastrels, expunges the wretched, and deletes the worthless!
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Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 27, 2004 10:53:27 GMT -5
LISTER: You got three brothers: John, Howard, and Frank. You're really mean with money. You're a tremendous physical coward. You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritan switchboard, and four people committed suicide! Your middle name's Judas, but you tell everyone that it's Jonathan. You sign all your official letters A.J. Rimmer, B.S.C., and B.S.C. stands for Bronze Swimming Certificate. You're a cheating, weaselly, lowlife scumbucket, with all the charm and social grace of a pubic louse!
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Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 27, 2004 17:28:32 GMT -5
RIMMER: You think I'm a petty-minded beauraucratic nincompoop, who delights in enforcing pernickety regulations because he gets some sort of perverse pleasure from it, and in many ways you're absolutely damn right, but that doesn't alter the fact that the only way we're going to track down Red Dwarf and get through this is with a sense of discipline, a sense of purpose and wherever possible a sensible haircut.
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Post by Captain Emerald on Aug 29, 2004 16:57:48 GMT -5
#Om...# ;D
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Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 29, 2004 17:54:12 GMT -5
om?
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Post by Captain Emerald on Aug 31, 2004 5:54:11 GMT -5
Sorry, wasn't that long enough for you?
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Post by red dwarf addict on Aug 31, 2004 8:12:08 GMT -5
no not really lol
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Post by Captain Emerald on Sept 11, 2004 11:03:03 GMT -5
ME2:
RIMMER: I suppose now I'm doomed, I can tell you. Gazpacho soup. It was the greatest night of my life. I'd been invited to the Captain's Table. I'd only been with the company fourteen years. Six officers and me! They called me "Arnold." We had gazpacho soup for starters. I didn't know gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and I told him to take it away and bring it back hot. He did! The looks on their faces still haunt me today!! (Crying) I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time, they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup! I never ate at the Captain's Table again. That was the end of my career.
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Post by Rimmerette on Sept 12, 2004 21:53:45 GMT -5
From `Terrorform': "Kryten personal blackbox recording. Time: unknown. Location: unknown. Cause of accident: unknown. Should someone find this recording, perhaps it will shed light as to what happened here. My short-term memory has been erased. This I ascribe to the proximity of the magnetic coils from Starbug's rear engine. Secondly, due to the proximity of the magnetic coils, my short-term memory appears to have been erased. This, combined with the erasure of my short-term memory, has left me a little disoriented."
(my personal fave...)
Rimmer: Thank God. Thank God. There were some very very strange men running around in black hoods with drums and rather unconvincing red eyes, but thank God you're here. You know, I actually thought I was in the most awful danger? [the women rip off his robes] Is it me, or has it suddenly got rather hot in here? ... [later, the women are oiling him] I am a 2nd Technician in the Space Corps, I am briefed to give you my name and number and nothing more. I don't know who you people are or what you think you're playing at, but I'm not going to give you any- thing else. You can oil me all you like, you can use your tongues and your full sensual lips to caress my erogenous zones onto a plateau of sexual ecstasy, but I'll tell you now: this nut's not for cracking. [the women oil his nipples] However, far be it from me to change your game plan, if you absolutely insist on using erotic persuasion to achieve your devious ends, then so be it -- just have a large quatro-formaggio pizza with extra olives ready at the end. [the women begin to go up to a small balcony] Er, where are you going? What are you doing? My god, are you going to take a flying leap?
LMAO
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Rimmerslittlevoodoodoll
2nd Class Technician
Fear not, I'm the bloke Who used to Clean the Gunk out of the Chicken Soup machine!
Posts: 164
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Post by Rimmerslittlevoodoodoll on Jan 14, 2005 15:43:29 GMT -5
I think the hardest / longest has to be from Holoship...
Rimmer: Just thinking. Assuming of course we're not dealing with five- dimensional objects in a basic Euclidean geometric universe and given the essential premise that all geo-mathematics is based on the hideously limiting notion that one plus one equals two, and not as {Astemeyer} correctly postulates that one and two are in fact the same thing observed from different precepts, (Loudly breathes out through his nose.) the theoretical shape described by {Siddus} must therefore be a poly-dri-doc-deca-wee-hedron-a-hexa-sexa-hedro-adicon-a-di-bi- dolly-he-deca-dodron. (Loudly breathes out through his nose again.) Everything else is popycock. Isn't that so?
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