|
Post by red dwarf addict on Dec 17, 2004 14:56:52 GMT -5
Series 5 outakes were DEFINATELY more funny! I laughed my head off when Chris fell off! I rewound the tape and played it again....
And again....
And again....
|
|
katerulz86
2nd Class Technician
Lister: "No way are these my boxer shorts - These bend!"
Posts: 154
|
Post by katerulz86 on Feb 4, 2005 16:41:44 GMT -5
I love these quotes too! [glow=blue,2,300]Waiting for God[/glow] HOLLY: "There's a saying amongst the officers; If a jobs worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing give it to Rimmer!" [glow=Green,2,300]Better Than Life[/glow] CAT: "My stomach has been pumped and now I'm hungry! Man, I just have to eat!" LISTER:"Rimmer's dad has died" CAT: "Well, I'd prefer chicken!" [glow=red,2,300]Queeg[/glow] LISTER: "Look at what he's given me for dinner: a pea on toast. One pea. I tell you, I'm that far from cracking. (goes to squish the pea; it snaps away) I've lost me pea! Oh that's it! I've cracked." RIMMER: "He's just doing this to destroy your morale." LISTER:"Is he? Well I want my pea back. It's my pea. I earned that pea. Where is it? I don't care if its on the floor all covered in fluff, if it's under the bed with my toenail clippings, I don't care where it is - it's my pea, I earned it and I'm going to eat it not matter what! RIMMER:"It flew into your dirty sock basket." LISTER: "I'll just have the toast." [glow=purple,2,300]Camille[/glow] RIMMER: "He's got mad droid disease. He kept waving a banana in front of me and callling it a female Aardvark." [glow=orange,2,300]Thanks for the Memory[/glow] LISTER: "What time is it?" RIMMER: "Saturday." LISTER: "Is that the best you can do?" RIMMER: "There are some numbers next to it, but they could be anything." LISTER:"Drop dead Rimmer" RIMMER: "Already have done" LISTER:"Encore" [glow=pink,2,300]Meltdown[/glow] LISTER:"Can't you tell the story is not gripping me? I am in a state of non-grippness. I am completely smegging ungripp-ed!" Sorry if this is long, there is just so much to quote, one could go on forever!
|
|
|
Post by Rimmerette on Feb 4, 2005 22:21:56 GMT -5
That's not too long ;D I love the quotes. I think the "Rimmer's dad has died" has to be my favourite!
|
|
katerulz86
2nd Class Technician
Lister: "No way are these my boxer shorts - These bend!"
Posts: 154
|
Post by katerulz86 on Feb 5, 2005 18:47:24 GMT -5
phew! Thank god for that, I thought I mighta made it too long and annoyed everyone, but there are so many good quotes on the show it is hard to pick out your favs! And I just couldnt stop! ;D
|
|
simonw
3rd Class Technician
Posts: 84
|
Post by simonw on Feb 2, 2006 6:58:31 GMT -5
WAITING FOR GOD
RIMMER watches eagerly as LISTER prepares to open the pod.
LISTER: Well? Are you ready for this, Rimmer? RIMMER: Open it! Open it!
LISTER opens a hatch in the pod.
RIMMER: Well? What's there? LISTER: Are you *sure* you're ready for this, Rimmer? RIMMER: Yes, come on, you gimboid!
LISTER reaches into the pod, and pulls out a plucked chicken, somewhat the worse for having spent god and/or Cloister knows how long in a garbage pod. LISTER holds the chicken well away from his face, and holds his nose.
RIMMER: Incredible! A stupendous moment in my own personal history! The perfectly preserved remains of a Quagaar warrior! LISTER: Yeah, right, Rimmer. Absolutely. RIMMER: They must have looked something like ... a roast chicken. (Eventually a slightly puzzled expression appears on his face.)
Cut to end credits. At one point, the music stops and the picture freezes.
RIMMER: (VO) It's a garbage pod!
Resume music and pictures. After a bit, they stop again.
RIMMER: IT'S A SMEGGING GARBAGE POD!!
MAROONED
RIMMER: How old were you? LISTER: She took off all her clothes and just stood there in front of me, completely naked. I was so excited, I nearly dropped my skateboard. RIMMER: Your _skateboard_? How old were you? LISTER: Twelve. RIMMER: Twelve!!! Twelve years old!!? You lost your virginity when you were twelve??? LISTER: yeah. RIMMER: Twelve?? (Pause.) Well, you can't have been a full member of the Golf Club, then. LISTER: 'Course I wasn't. RIMMER: You did it on a golf course, and you weren't a member? LISTER: 'Course I wasn't. RIMMER: You didn't pay any green fees or anything? LISTER: It was just a place to go. RIMMER: I used to play golf. I hate people who abuse the facilities. I hope you raked the sand back nicely before you left. That'd be a hell of a lie to get into, wouldn't it? Competition the next day, and your ball lands in Lister's buttock crevice. You'd need more than a niblick to get that one out. LISTER: Are you trying to say I've got a big bum? RIMMER: Big? It's like two badly-parked Volkswagens.
And...
LISTER: Twenty-four thousand!? And you had the front to borrow money off me to buy me a birthday present? RIMMER: It was only fifteen quid. LISTER: Right. Fifteen quid. And what did I get? A five-quid book token. RIMMER: Those card's aren't free, you know. I had to fork out for that as well. LISTER: And you never paid me back. You're tighter than an Italian waiter's keks.
JUSTICE
LISTER: Kryten reckons you've got right of appeal. He's trying to get a case together. (Looks round.) This isn't a bad place for a prison. How come there are no locks or bars or guards or anything? RIMMER: There doesn't need to be. The whole prison is covered by something called a Justice Field. I had to sit through this lecture. Apparently it's physically impossible to commit any kind of crime here. LISTER: What d'you mean? RIMMER: Try and commit a crime. You'll see. LISTER: Like what? RIMMER: I don't know. Anything...Arson. Try and set fire to those blankets. LISTER: Eh? RIMMER: Just try it.
LISTER crosses to the blankets, takes out his Zippo and holds the flame under the blanket. The blanket doesn't ignite, but LISTER's jacket starts smoking at the back without him realizing it.
RIMMER: Whatever crime you try and commit, the consequences happen to you. LISTER: I'm not with you.
Feels the heat from the back of his flaming jacket.
LISTER: Smegging hell!
Takes his jacket off and jumps up and down on it.
LISTER: Nice example, Rimmer! You couldn't just have explained that to me verbally? RIMMER: Same with stealing. Same with everything. LISTER: With you. So if you nick something, something of yours goes missing? RIMMER: Right. Try it. LISTER: (Pause while he thinks about it.) No.
And...
JUSTICE: The defendant will stand for the verdict.
RIMMER stands.
JUSTICE: In the view of your counsel's eloquent defence, together with the reams of material evidence he submitted on computer card, this court accepts that, in your case, the mind-probe is not anadequate method of assessing guilt. It is not possible for you to have committed the crimes for which you blame yourself, and you may therefore go free. RIMMER: Objection! KRYTEN: Sir, what are you objecting to? RIMMER: I want an apology.
GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE
RIMMER: I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy.
The three step up to the bar.
RIMMER: Dry white wine and Perrier please. And what about you two chaps? LISTER: Rimmer, what westerns have you seen? Butch Accountant and the Yuppie Kid?
And...
LISTER: Rimmer, the virus has spread to the AR unit. We've lost our special skills. RIMMER: Ahhh, Mr War sir, it would appear that due to circumstances completely beyond my control, there's been a bit of a cock up in the bravado department.
RIMMER is hit over the head with the wooden cross bar by WAR.
RIMMER: I may indeed have come across as being more brave than in fact I am. LISTER: Exit, exit.
RIMMER attempts to exit the game by clapping his hands, he cannot, he turns his constant clapping into a castanet dance, before being hit over the head again by WAR.
I think that is enough....For now. Sorry it is long.
|
|